Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Here Comes Your 19th Nervous Stimulus

"oh who's to blame?
that Congress is just insane

Well, nothing they do seem to work
It only seems to make matters worse"

My sincerest apologies to the Glimmer Twins, the long distance runners who penned that ditty. I simply had to use it as it captures exactly the mood, frenetic pace and ultimate futility of the latest stimulus bill. Filled with around a trillion bucks worth of water parks, snow making equipment, mob museums, a minor league hall of fame, a frisbee disc golf course . . . hey wait.

I love disc golf. Congress has finally found something I can use. Forget all the partisan attacks by Obama that Republican tax cuts have caused the World Credit Crisis. He really doesn't believe his own propaganda. At least, I hope not or else were in big trouble.

Come on guys vote for this stimulus!! With more and more people out of work, we'll all have plenty of time to play a 36 hole course!! It will be so excellent. After a gruelling round or two, we can adjourn to the Obamaland Waterpark to cool off where free protection against STDs will also be available-that on the very off chance we get stimulated. Happily all these goodies are provided by this wonderful stimulus. Won't everything be grand.

Oh wait, there is one problem. We could use a little social lubrication.

You know, booze. Come on guys. According to the Chief, this economy will be rotten for years, so we need our stimulation now. Call it the Social Enhancement and Protection Act of 2009. And the money? Oh, come on, you guys just print more. You'll never have to pay, right? Whatever, just vote and vote fast.

And for the next stimulus, can you put some Yankee tickets in there? I'm desperate to see the new Stadium. I hear they're having problems selling the luxury boxes. What could more patriotic than buying Yankee Luxury boxes? Tell you what, I'll even be bipartisan and take in a game with Barney Frank and Ted Kennedy. Baseball, a couple of dogs and enough beers to keep those two blabber mouths full of suds so they won't say squat and pass out by the 4th inning. Is it a deal? Hurry, Hurry Faster, Faster guys. Pitchers and catchers is coming up fast.

1 comment:

  1. How cool is that disc golf has come of age. I saw a starter pack of 3 discs at REI the other day, definitely a sign of mainstreaming. Our new prez is up with the times!